Parenting Guide: Why Clear Instructions and Thoughtful Acknowledgement Matter So Much

Why Clear Instructions and Thoughtful Acknowledgement Matter So Much

Start with Clear, Calm, and Consistent Instructions

One of the most powerful ways to help your child or young person cooperate is also one of the simplest: give clear, respectful, firm instructions—delivered consistently, with calm, kindness, and predictability. Children feel safe and capable when they understand exactly what’s expected. It creates a sense of order in what can often feel like a chaotic world.

Steps to Give Clear Instructions:

1. Get their attention first – Say their name and make eye contact.

2. Use simple, age-appropriate language – Avoid long explanations in the heat of the moment.

3. State exactly what you want them to do – Say “Please pack away your toys now” instead of “Stop making a mess.”

4. Keep your tone calm and firm – No yelling or pleading; just a kind, clear direction.

5. Follow through consistently – If instructions are optional sometimes, they’re optional all the time.

What Comes After Matters Just as Much

But even more impactful than giving clear instructions is what happens after. Your response to your child’s behaviour can make all the difference. I often remind parents: behaviours that get attention increase. So where are you placing your attention?

Use Acknowledgement to Reinforce Positive Behaviour

I encourage you to regularly acknowledge your child for the behaviour you want to see. This doesn’t mean lavish praise or long speeches. It can be as simple as a warm smile or saying, “Thank you for staying calm,” or “I saw how you waited your turn. That was thoughtful.”

Make It Meaningful and Specific

Your acknowledgement shows them exactly what they did right—and it makes them want to do it again. This is not about flattery or perfection. It’s about noticing real effort, however small, and letting your child feel seen and valued.

Steps to Acknowledge Effectively:

1. Notice the behaviour you want to encourage – Even small acts count.

2. Respond in the moment – Don’t wait too long; immediacy matters.

3. Be specific – Say what they did, e.g., “You shared your toys without being asked.”

4. Use natural language – Choose phrases that feel genuine for you.

5. Use positive body language – Smile, nod, or gently touch their shoulder as you speak.

Are You Acknowledging Effectively?

Now, you might be thinking, “I already do this.” And yes, many parents do—but often not in a way that’s consistent or specific enough to be effective. Vague praise like “good job” doesn’t give your child the feedback they need to learn and grow. What we want is targeted acknowledgement that reflects the behaviour we’re aiming to see more of.

Catch the Moment—Even if It’s Brief

This is a skill that takes practice. Catching your child being considerate—even for a fleeting moment—is the golden opportunity. When you learn to spot and reinforce these moments, you’re no longer just reacting to problems. You’re shaping your child’s behaviour in a way that builds confidence, connection, and cooperation.

Bonus Tip:
Keep a small notebook or use your phone to jot down positive behaviours you notice each day. Reviewing this can help you shift your focus and give more meaningful feedback.

Start Small, See Big Changes

In the Better Parent Academy, we go much deeper into this essential strategy. But today, you can start with this small, intentional shift: notice the good, describe it clearly, and let your child feel that success.

Parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present and purposeful.

I wish you joy in your parenting.