Navigating Mobile Phone Use with Your Teen

Hello Parents,

If you find managing mobile phone use while maintaining family connection challenging, you’re not alone! All too often, a phone initially bought for safety and convenience becomes an omnipresent companion for your teen, leading to interruptions in family time, endless texting, and drama if the phone is misplaced. Many parents voice concerns to me about constant phone usage - from disrupted sleep to the dangers of distracted driving. Setting boundaries around phone use is essential to foster healthy habits and reconnect as a family.

Setting Firm but Fair Boundaries
It’s never too late to introduce phone-use rules, even if your teen isn’t thrilled. Start with a calm approach: try a phrase like, “I understand this seems frustrating and unfair to you, but I need you to keep your phone in the kitchen drawer during dinner and at bedtime.” Always explain the “why” behind these new rules so they can understand the importance of balance. You might also set a policy requiring your teen to keep their phone charged and accessible when they’re out. Outline clear expectations, such as contributing financially if they exceed data limits, or agreeing that you may need to check their phone if you’re concerned about their safety. Creating these policies helps establish consistency and shows that these boundaries are in place because you care about their well-being.

The Importance of Modeling Healthy Phone Habits
Remember that your example speaks volumes. If you’re frequently checking emails or messages around your teen, they’re likely to follow suit. Model the behaviour you want to see: when you’re with your teen - especially at meals - keep your phone silent and out of sight. When driving, let them see you pull over to respond to texts rather than juggling the phone at the wheel. By setting this example, you demonstrate that it’s possible to prioritise human connection over screen time.

Four Guidelines for Safe and Balanced Mobile Phone
To foster responsible phone use, consider setting these guidelines:
1. Establish mobile-free times. Make certain times or spaces - like dinnertime or car rides - phone-free. This creates natural breaks from screens and more quality family interaction.
2. Have regular check-ins about phone content. Especially with younger teens, make it clear that their phone isn’t completely private yet. From time to time, take a look at their messages, and discuss any potentially inappropriate or unkind texts. These check-ins can serve as valuable lessons on cyberbullying, safety, and respectful communication.
3. Talk about safe texting and the implications of sexting. Older teens, especially in relationships, may engage in risky texting behavior without fully considering the consequences. Remind them, “Never text, say, or send anything you wouldn’t want everyone to see.” Make it clear that sensitive matters are best discussed in person and that sexting has real emotional, social, and legal risks.
4. Create a “phone-off” driving routine. Work with your teen to develop a phone safety plan in the car - like setting their phone to silent and keeping it in the glove box. Make this as automatic as putting on a seatbelt.

Important Note on Sexting and Legal Implications
It’s crucial to help your teen understand the consequences of sexting. Sharing or sending explicit images can lead to severe legal issues, including potential charges of distributing child pornography. Encourage open, judgment-free discussions about these topics so they’re aware of the personal and legal stakes.

Final Thoughts
Remember, setting boundaries around phone use doesn’t mean cutting teens off from their devices altogether. It’s about teaching them healthy habits, practising safe phone use, and fostering strong communication with you and others. With patience and consistency, you can help them enjoy the benefits of staying connected without losing focus on the moments that matter most. You’ve got this!

For more detailed guidance on how to attune better with your teen, head over to the Better Parent Academy and explore my course, "Small Changes, Big Impact," or pick up a copy of my book, Taming Teens.

I wish you joy in your parenting journey.