How to Increase the Enjoyment of Your Teen’s Adolescence

How to Increase the Enjoyment of Your Teen’s Adolescence
Hello!
Parenthood is often described as the toughest job you'll ever love, and for good reason. As parents, we are constantly evolving alongside our children, facing new challenges at every stage of their development.
The adolescent years can be some of the most rewarding yet turbulent times for both children and parents. But what many parents don’t realize is that the challenges we face in raising teens often coincide with our own developmental shifts. For many parents, this phase of life also aligns with midlife—an age where questions about career, relationships, and identity come into sharp focus. Combine that with the emotional rollercoaster that is adolescence, and it's no wonder that parenting during this time can feel like an emotional tug-of-war.

Midlife Meets Adolescence
Most of us don’t expect the overlap between our midlife struggles and our child’s adolescence. However, the developmental changes we experience as parents during midlife are often linked to the challenges we face with our teenagers. Midlife can be a time of introspection—questions like “am I in the right career?” and “what will the second half of my life look like?” may dominate your thoughts. Meanwhile, your adolescent child is wrestling with their own self-identity, independence, and sometimes, a complete rejection of your guidance.
The good news is these developmental milestones—both for you and your teen—are deeply connected. Positive breakthroughs on either side tend to have a reciprocal effect. When you experience growth or clarity in your own life, it can help you to better understand and support your adolescent. Similarly, when your teen has a breakthrough, it often reflects in your own development, strengthening your relationship and helping you grow as well.
However, it's equally important to acknowledge that when your teen is struggling, it can directly affect your personal wellbeing. Feeling disconnected or helpless in your relationship with your teen can heighten your own struggles with midlife concerns, making it harder to enjoy the process. So, how can you support yourself during this time to ensure that you can be the parent you want to be?

Self-Care: The Key to Enjoying Parenting in Midlife
If you want to enjoy the adolescent years, it’s essential to focus on your own mental health and wellbeing. Parents who thrive during these challenging years tend to engage in self-care practices that nourish their own lives. Here are a few ways to manage your midlife concerns and enjoy parenting through this stage:
1. Engage in Satisfying Interests Outside of Parenting
Cultivating a fulfilling identity beyond being a parent can give you a sense of self that transcends the challenges of raising a teen. Whether it's pursuing a hobby, taking on a new project at work, or fostering relationships outside the family, this broader sense of who you are can serve as a strong anchor during times of stress.
2. Make Self-Care Non-negotiable
Many parents struggle with feelings of guilt when they take time for themselves but we need to remember that self-care is vital for maintaining energy and resilience. Prioritize adequate sleep, regular exercise, healthy eating, and relaxation practices. When you care for yourself, you’re better equipped to handle the stresses of daily life and show up as a more engaged, positive parent.
3. Stay Engaged with Your Teen
Even if it feels like your teen is pulling away, try to maintain a loving, communicative, open, warm, and authoritative approach. Maintaining an ongoing dialogue helps preserve your emotional connection with your adolescent. Rather than viewing their desire for independence as a rejection, see it as a necessary and healthy part of their development.

Shifting Your Perspective: Embracing Your Teen's Independence
Your teen’s quest for autonomy is a sign of their growing sense of self. While it can feel like they’re pulling away from you emotionally, this is a positive developmental milestone that reflects their increasing independence. It's essential to remember that your child’s independence doesn’t signify the end of your relationship—it simply marks a shift toward a new dynamic.
Don’t take it personally. Instead view their desire for privacy and independence as an opportunity for your relationship to evolve. It’s a chance to redefine the parent-child dynamic, allowing you to engage with them on a deeper, more mutual level. Their growing assertiveness and sense of self can be something to celebrate. Remember, the more you view your teen’s behaviour as a healthy expression of their individuality, the more enjoyment you will find in this phase of their life.
You are a constant reminder of your teen’s dependence on you during their younger years, and this can make them uncomfortable as they try to separate and become their own person. Let them experience their discomfort without taking it to heart. You’re doing great, and no matter how they react, your role as their parent is still vital.

Seek Support When Needed
Seek support from your friends, your spouse if you have one or a specialist psychologist if you are feeling ambivalent, resentful, jealous or angry with your young person, or if you are feeling that you’re lacking the skills to be the sort of parent that you want to be.
Remember, by nurturing yourself, embracing your teen's development, and approaching this phase with patience and empathy, you’ll not only enjoy their adolescence more, but you'll also help them thrive. The teenage years are a time of growth—for both you and your child. Embrace the journey together.

Finally,
By focusing on self-care, maintaining a positive outlook, and strengthening your relationship with your adolescent, you can make these years not only manageable but also incredibly fulfilling. You’ve got this!
I wish you joy in your parenting!