A parent's guide to biting

Biting

If you’re reading this, you’ve likely had that heart-stopping moment where your little one bit another child, a sibling, or even you. As confronting as it can be, biting in young children is incredibly common. It often leaves parents feeling confused, embarrassed, or even ashamed—but biting is a developmentally typical behaviour, especially in toddlers and young preschoolers.

Rather than viewing biting as a sign that something is 'wrong' with your child, it’s more helpful to see it as a form of communication: your child is trying to tell you something, but doesn’t yet have the words or skills to express it.

So, why do children bite?

Biting as Communication
Young children often bite because they’re overwhelmed by big feelings or new situations. They may be:

Frustrated: They can’t get the toy they want, or they’re upset by another child’s behaviour.

Seeking attention: If they notice that biting gets a big reaction, they might repeat it.

Overstimulated or overwhelmed: Loud environments, transitions, or crowded spaces can overload their senses.

Exploring: Babies and toddlers use their mouths to explore the world. Sometimes biting is just curiosity.

Communicating needs: Hungry, tired, teething, or needing space—biting may be a way of saying, “Something’s not right.”

Remember, at this age, children are still developing their language, impulse control, and emotional regulation skills. Biting isn’t a sign of aggression or defiance; it’s a sign they need support.

What To Do in the Moment
When biting happens, try to stay calm. Easier said than done, I know—but your calm response teaches far more than an angry reaction ever could.

Separate and comfort the bitten child first. Offer warmth and care so that both children know safety and connection come first.

Be firm but gentle with the child who bit. Get down to their level and say something simple like, "I can't let you bite. Biting hurts."

Label the emotion: "You were feeling frustrated because he took your toy."

Offer a better way: "Next time, say 'Stop!' or come get me."

Avoid shaming, blaming, or over-explaining. Keep your language clear, calm, and age-appropriate.

Responding After the Fact
Once the immediate situation has passed, revisit it when your child is calm.

Reflect: "Remember what happened earlier when you bit your friend?"

Teach: "When you're upset, you can say 'I'm mad!' or stomp your feet. We don’t use our teeth."

Practice: Role-play using words or asking for help. Reinforce their communication skills.

Preventing Future Biting
While we can’t always prevent biting, we can reduce the chances:

Supervise closely during high-risk times, like group play, transitions, or tired moments.

Watch for patterns: Does biting happen when they’re teething? Hungry? Overstimulated? Predictable situations allow for proactive support.

Use pre-warnings and visual cues: Let them know what's coming next. Transitions are hard for little ones.

Offer sensory alternatives: Teething toys, crunchy snacks, or chewing necklaces for those who bite when overwhelmed.

Model calm communication: Show your child how to say, "Stop," "Help," or "I need space."

Managing Parent Emotions
If your child bites, you might feel judged or embarrassed—especially if it happens at daycare or in public. It’s important to remind yourself: biting is a normal phase for many children. It does not mean your child is "bad," nor does it reflect your worth as a parent.

Instead of blaming yourself, use it as an opportunity to reflect: What might my child be feeling? What support do they need from me in that moment?

Parenting isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about being present, responsive, and willing to keep learning. If biting becomes frequent or severe, reach out to your childcare provider or a child psychologist for guidance.

Final Thoughts
Your child isn’t trying to be difficult—they’re trying to communicate in the only way they know how. With your calm, clear guidance, they will learn better ways to express themselves. Like every stage in early childhood, this too shall pass.

I wish you confidence and joy in your parenting.

Warmly,
Dr Anna Cohen